ESPY awards red carpet report card

this years ESPY awards this year were full of the good, the bad, and the wtf? 

let's just jump right in because there is a lot of snark to come...

first off, the A+'s:

emmanuelle chriqui from entourage KILLED it. i love when the shoes are the focus of the outfit. A++++ for sure. werk.

close runner-up is maria sharapova. loving the alexander mcqeen dress that was originally floor-length. the shoes are a little matchy matchy which i normally hate but the whole thing works. that being said, if you are an eight and a half foot blonde skinny-bitch you are going to make pretty much anything look good.

rounding out the top 3 is kerry washington.  loving the mini-dress with long sleeves look. her shoes are super shiny (love) and have a pointy toe platform (love). makes sense.

and for the men:

dhani jones. #1. no contest. maybe i am biased because he is a bengal, but it's probably because HE NEVER GOES ANYWHERE WITHOUT A BOW TIE. guys out there (they probably aren't reading shoe blogs but whatev) the bow tie is a trump card. instant sexy. done deal.

nuff said

amare stoudemire gets the runner-up spot for the guys. he is kind of giving me a 7ft tall kanye vibe with the satin, deep-v, and gold chain and i'm liking it.

dallas mavs star dirk nowitzki looked dapper in a suit, and i am LOVING his date's white dress. wish i could see what shoes she had on.

now for the honorable mentions:

danica patrick look alright in all black. i wish she had worn a more playful colored shoe but oh well... 

brooklyn decker is everywhere these days, maybe that's why i bumped her out of the top 3. this dress is giving me michael jackson's jacket in thriller vibes and they hair looks like mine does after a night at the bars. the only reason she is included is THOSE SHOES. lovelovelove. 

*christian siriano voice* FIERCE!

also up for debate is serena. i am trying to love it because that color is great on her, love the bib necklace, and the shoes are great. but the dress itself looks like she tried to squeeze into a church-lady skirt suit that is way too small. sorry boo...

ok so i am liking hank's summer suit. but kendra girl that dress.... i'm sorry it looks like she bought it at the stripper/prom outlet (do those exist?). i will say though, her hair and makeup look great for once. her normal look (over plucked brows and blue eyeshadow) is a little too meth-addict for me.

finally.... the WTFS:

who the fuck is that?? it's jonah hill. wow. good for him for losing weight but he kind of looks like a crack baby. no good. go back to being the fat, funny guy.

and for the biggest WTF of the night i give you giants pitcher brian wilson. there are no words. though i have to commend him, not many guys can pull off a spandex tuxedo.